There was once a girl that lived in a shiny shiny house. Down by the water and up in the mountains. She could be found roosting on a rock in the backyard. Swingingly lazily from a tire swing. Laying in the itchy grass and watching the clouds. The days filled themselves and never asked her for anything. Day melted smoothly into afternoon and the sun set slowly, minute by minute, as she skipped hop skotch and polished the spokes of her bicycle until they brightly beamed. She pressed her face up against the window, scribbled a face in the fog, and watched her big black dog pace up and down his outdoor cage. Her house glowed.

One day she played in the rain. Huge sheets of it fell and pounded on her tiny shoulder blades. She squealed as her skinny braids dripped water and she threw back her head and laughed, seeing how many rain drops she could catch in her mouth.

She caught a cold and learned not to play in the rain.

It would be years before she saw rain like that again.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon at her boyfriend's parent's house. The parents were gone and the day had been spent engrossed in scrabble, an afternoon feature presentation, and the daily crossword. The thunder rolled and the rain began to fall. Eyes wide she bolted for the door, laughing giddily as she ran outside, feeling the rain pounding against her head, soaking her hair and hands, rolling down her cheeks and into her t-shirt.

She smiled and looked back towards the front door but her boyfriend was not amused. "You're getting all wet. What are you doing? We have to leave soon."

And she learned for the second time not to play in the rain.

A few years later sitting outside on a covered porch outside a student bar in Germany the rain began to fall. She glanced sideways over her shoulder and watched the rain drops fall under a street lamp. A boy next to her grabbed her arm and dragged her to her feet. A hoard of students ran to the center of the courtyard and laughed jumping up and down. The ran to a small inflatable pool and stripped off their clothes and jumped, in roaring in laughter and wrestling in the water. And then they were dancing and spinning and soaking wet and for a minute time slowed down to let them be children.

And she learned to always play in the rain.

And then today happened

Suddenly pieces fall into place.

You pick up where you left off.

And it's right.

Where else can you begin?

Wrapped up in a memory the body knows so much more than the mind.

Lift the invisible pressure and see a smile.

Nobody is holding down your hands but yourself.

And the air has never been sweeter.

The water is just right.

You know what to do.

Shake the images that dance in front of your eyes.

See something old like it is brand new.

Hold on to something long enough to hear it sing.

It wants you to listen.

Let it be scary.

Let it change you.

You're learning to fly.

And falling can be beautiful too.

We're Not All Bad

That's the title of my friend's blog. The more I read it, the more I realize it is true. We're not all bad. We can be great, wonderful, spectacular, giving, helpful, patient. Selfish, angsty, hateful, tired, sad. We all are everything. Together we make something so much larger than ourselves and in every person there can be found something unique and lovely.

Who I become and what road I choose slowly ceases to frighten me. What can I do with the time I am given here? Who can I meet? Who will change me? Who will I change?

Investigate the unknown. Embrace what is foreign. Show the world how great you can be. Why doubt and question more than necessary. Assume the better and appreciate tiny sensations. The breeze on your face, the smile from a stranger, a spectacular sunset. The world wants you to enjoy it.

Look at colors. Inhale their richness and notice something new every day.

And by you....I mean me.

Estoy muy alegro que he eligido estudiar aqui en Espana. Ahora, poco a poco, entiendo mas lo mejor de todo. Que a veces, las personas te olvidara. Que a veces, las personas no quieren conocerte. Vale. Es asi. Pero siempre hay otra gente. Siempre hay lugares mejores. Siempre hay mas para hacer, siempre hay otra experiencia que debes tener. En verdad, quiero conocer mas la vida aqui. Quiero conocer mas gente, quiero ver mas cuidades, quiero mas y mas y mas. Quiero entrar otro mundo. No se. He pasado la noche muy bien. He conocido una persona nueva. Hemos hablado por casi cinco horas de todas las cosas. De la literatura, de lo que significa ser humano, la cultura, la musica, y de nuestras vidas. Que bonita que personas pueden conocer uno a otro asi, para compartir sus sentimientos y suenos. Solo que necesitas hacer es intentar un poco. Hacer un riesgo. No somos todos malos. He aprendido que necesito disculpar mas las personas que me molestan, que me hacen dano. Siempre hay otra version de un cuento, y personas siempre hacen lo que pueden.

No se. Esta noche me siento muy optimista. Y yo se es porque he pasado bien un tiempo con otra persona. Necesito aprender de pasar bien con mi mismo. No puedo esperar hasta que yo tengo un amigo que pueda animarme. Necesito encontrar paz en mis momentos solitarios. Bueno en verdad ahora es que no tengo mucho de que yo puedo hablar. Solo queria escribir un poco en espanol y compartir la noche que he pasado bien. Espero que pueda encontrar gente de mi edad, pero creo que la edad no es la cosa mas importante. Las personas de cada edad pueden aprender cosas de peronas mayores y menores.

Vale. Debo dormir y descansar.

Pero ahora me siento feliz. Estoy contenta, y quiero econtrar mas felicidad.

Buenas noches

Let's Take a Walk

I need some perspective.

Give me a hand.

Let's take a walk.

Spain, Morocco, Thoughts and Things

I really should keep up with this better.

What can I say about the last two months? It seems like I should have a lot to say. I've been traveling a lot, seeing new places, making really great new friends...but when I try to write about it my mind is strangely blank.

I love Cadiz. Certain things are taking some time to get used to, and other things I sort of doubt I will really ever get used to. But the good overwhelming outweighs the bad...and I am having many good days.

I've been to Ronda, Girbaltar, Medina, Tarifa, Tangier, Lisbon, Sintra, and Belem this far. Traveling has been a blur. I am seeing so much and going so many places in such a short amount of time. No wonder 2 months have slipped away.

Morocco was interesting. Traveling only 12 miles from Tarifa to Tangier brought instant, drastic cultural changes. Women completely covered from head to toe, men selling drugs in the street, and the distant sounds of the mosque at prayer time.

The only things that makes it hard sometimes is that here I have a lot of time to think. The language is definitely a barrier and my mind is sometimes the only place I can rest. I've had a lot of time to think about things. Things that have happened to me, things I've yet to deal with, things that should never have happened. But I feel a bit hopeless at the same time. What can I really do now? I sure did put off working through some things. But I don't even know what sort of process one goes through to get over something. Can I just wait and let time do its magic?

So anyways...I really should blog more. A lot has been happening, but my life remains mostly tranquil. I realize that I am not living in the real world. This is an escape from the ordinary, which I surely will return to.

And when I feel overwhelmed by the things that scare me I try to remember my favorite places. The mountains, the sun, my best friend's house during the long summer nights. When I am scared I breathe through those moments and remember just how happy I can truly be.